The curious collection of a slightly mad scientist
A guy walks into a bar. Half of his head is a giant orange. The bartender goes, “OH MY GOD, YOUR HEAD IS A GIANT ORANGE!” Out of his half-mouth, the guy says, “Yeah, yeah, I know. Pour me a shot and I’ll explain.” Confused, the bartender pours the guy a shot. The guy downs it and asks for another, then begins his story: “When I was a young man I traveled the world: Egypt, China, Arabia, everywhere. One day I found a magic lamp and a genie granted me 3 wishes. ‘Really?’ I said. ‘Anything?’ ‘Anything,’ said the genie. ‘Okay,’ I said. ‘First wish… I wish I had a wallet that always had a thousand dollars in it.’ ‘Granted,’ said the genie.” “Wait, wait,” interrupts the bartender. “You don’t expect me to believe that?” “Are you kidding? My head’s a fucking orange!” snaps the man with the orange head. But just to prove it, he pulls out a worn wallet and slaps ten $100 notes on the bar. The bartender shuts up and the guy with the orange head continues. “For my second wish, I asked to be irresistible to women.” “Bullshit,” says the bartender. The guy looks across the bar at a beautiful woman he’s never met and says, “Hey, baby, want to go home with me tonight?” The woman squeals with delight, nods, rushes over, buys him a drink, and hangs off him lovingly. She doesn’t even seem to notice that half of his head is a piece of fruit. Awed, the bartender pours another round, and asks in a hushed voice, “So… your face… your head… the third wish?” The man nods and downs another shot of whiskey. “What happened?” whispered the bartender, leaning forward. “For my third wish…” whispers the man. “…I wished… that half of my head… were a giant orange.”
More Best Anti-Jokes
Strange, but not true, but due to the similarity of this joke to another one I know that is not an anti-joke, I got a good laugh from this. Check out the art of pierre beteille if you like the image.
My previous favorite anti-joke was this one:
“You should always walk a mile in someone else’s shoes before you criticize them. Know why?”
“Because then you are a mile away… and you have their shoes!”