I spoke to a holy man, told him of my darkness, my troubles. He said make every day a prayer to celebrate love. It made sense. Fill an unsettled mind all day with what strengthens and get to inner peace, perhaps even a full night’s sleep.
In practice, it seems to be a balancing act. I have many negative thoughts and plenty positive. The sum in the past for me was emotional balance.
To get equanimity back, I now must stop replaying some memories. I must let go. This is very difficult. It feels like disloyalty to forget anything, but the man said letting go helps those who are gone to move on to the next world. In any case, holding on to trauma is not loyalty.
What matters in life? I have accepted that will not be getting my stolen engagement rings back. Perhaps my fiancé arranged it all from the beyond, to help me or to help others she also loved. The thief did her bidding, I believe, and did me a favor. Today is a prayer of gratitude. May the money from selling them bring healthy food to the hungry. She would want that.
Happy Veterans Day. Fight the good fight, the inner battle to honor your higher self.