Why “We Need to Talk” Shouldn’t Scare You: How To Have Healthy Conversations
Those four dread-inducing words: “we need to talk”. But, do they have to induce fear? Wouldn’t it be great if these conversations could make your relationship even better instead of risking ruining it?
The fear comes from uncertainty. The worst-case scenarios, the catastrophic endings or perhaps even the yelling. The reality however, most relationship conversations are not break-up talks — they’re make-your-relationship-even-better dialogues.
Reframe Your Mindset
Think of these communications more as problem-solving sessions together instead of confrontations. This is a joint not a versus.
Set the Right Tone
Choose your timing wisely. Never get into heavy conversations when either of you are under stress / tired or caught in distractions. Even the language is important. For Couples Counselling Cheltenham, consider www.cheltenhamcounsellor.co.uk/couples-counselling-cheltenham/
Start with Reassurance
Start off with something similar to “I love you and want us both to work through this.” It instantly brings down the walls of defensiveness and thereby a sense of safety.
Use “I” Statements
Rather than “You always. ..” try “I feel ”. This moves from blame to simply telling your partner what is happening which shifts the focus on making him/her listen rather than defend.
Focus on Solutions
Offer suggestions or compromises to problems. Doing this helps to demonstrate that you are more committed to improvement rather than complaining about your struggles.
Listen Actively
Let your partner speak without interrupting or concurrently formulating what you intend to say next.
Healthy relationships need conversations to keep well. When it is done out of love and respect, a “we need to talk” turns into a “let´s level up together.”
